The Confederate States of America

I would suspect this is highly illegal. Just because you have a confederate uniform and you think about strange things in the past, such as the Civil War. I'm not so sure it gives you the right to load up a gun in Queens old style and start firing all over the place. Lot's of car alarms going off.

The Civil War ain't over yet to these folks.

While you knuckleheads are worried about modelling shoots and the proper dosage of olive oil for waffles I'm kicking it with the Federation of Black Cowboys. The best part is the guy third left with glasses was walking over for the photo real slow, and he's 95 years old, and his friends were screaming at him, "Hurry the hell up, we gotta go!"

So many things going on, my front porch sounds most interesting.

This kid is all grown up inside, he told me he was a performance aritst with Herculean strength and then opened the hydrant and whispered in my ear, "You'll see the wrath of little Caliente, yes, you will see! They will all see!" I didn't see his parents anywhere and he told me he had just gotten off the C train for a nice walk because he had clocked out early.

SIOUXZXSEE AND THE BANSHEE'S

Carol called it a double chin. Bourne told me I had a "mini keg" down in the stomach area. But nobody ever really thought I would let it all go and destroy the buffet day after day after day until I couldn't even get my foot inside this vulcanized size thirteen.

It's been perfect in NY lately, so I've been blasting the last two minutes of Lou Reed's "Perfect Day" and playing that over and over. The Beast screams to turn it down and I motion to turn it up. Then I go do something really soft like plant seeds in front of my house. Don't front on the Hybrid Tomato Jet Star, the Marglobe (Wilt Resistant), the Sweet Corn, the Sugar Ann Snap Peas, and I know your not talking about those Blisseville Slashdog Watermelons?! Don't poke fun and then ask me for a nice ripe tomato while I'm bottling some home brew.

Lady Pink is the best thing that ever happened to Queens, but coming close in second I gotta hand an award over to the people with taco trucks that are open all night long.

How many times did I have to push this little old lady off like Momma bird?! No, you can't stay here forever, go out there and be somebody!

The best thing about growing up near the Blue Line is the fact that I might have accidentally bumped into one of the "Heavy Metal Artists" while buying a pack of 1988 Donruss and making fun/admiring Andre Dawson's haircut. (Inside Jerry's, of Course. Buying smoke mammoth's of course!)

SPRING TIME, CLEANING THE OUTSIDES OF MY WINDOWS WITH A HOSE.

I've never been to Hunter College. But some nights hanging out with Harold I would shut my mouth, listen, and I'd enter Harold Hunter College. Now watch, some kid's gonna make that t-shirt. Rest in Peace Harold.

Brendan done got married...

Everyone in the church thought I was a jerk because I had my hat on, I didn't even realize it.

Another person Albin interviewed, Ben Tausig makes cross-word puzzles for a living and he's smarter than anyone I know. So I said, "Get in the Flower shop you god-damned tulip."

This is one of those moments when people drink so much they don't even realize your inside the same room as them.

She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look bad.

The best thing about having a fire in your apartment these days is the fact that firemen make it so easy for you to move out. Instead of having to move all your prized possessions down the five flights of steps they throw it all out the window and really save you the hassle. What sounds better than running in a place with a hose, breaking everything, then throwing everything out the window? Maybe just a Mister Softee on a June-ish day.

The best thing about working for a newspaper is they send you to Cancer events in Flushing-Meadows Park. You get there and drive all the way down Roosevelt Ave, then down Willets Bay, then around Shea, then the tennis stadium, then you park at the globe and ask everyone where the Cancer benefit is and even the cop says, "I think I would know about a cancer event in my park!" It's at this point you realize you've been had by the Editor once again and sent to a fake assignment that doesn't even exist. But you can always make the best of it and be the creepy skateboarder with holes in his shoes and no board watching all the other skaters, with a camera.
This kid did a three flip nosegrind half cab out across the grate but I missed it, whoops.

Once again the kids win the prize for coolness. I went straight out after this and bought streamers and a full red jogging gear.

The kids were skating good and all but this kid had the smoothest, most effortless style. Even though I don't own a company I told him I wanted to sponsor him. Please don't mistake the bike in the background for the girl with the streamers. That girl don't need no training wheels!