Monday, July 30, 2007


It might seem a bit overdone photo-wise but New Orleans got tapped on the shoulder pretty damn hard. There was no shortage of rain during my trip, due to Hurricane Season, but I did manage to get my sister to drag me out to Lakeview, which was hit pretty bad. We only had enough time to drive through the neighborhood for about 25 minutes but these pics give a good look at the destruction. The x's on the house detail info on when it was searched and the 0 with a line through it means no casualties were found on the premises.
This neighborhood was an absolute ghosttown, I mean nothing in sight. Whole houses had floated off leaving nothing but a cement square in it's place to commemorate the deadly Katrina.
To make matters worse I couldn't find a bathroom anywhere. When I walked into a small corner store the owner said his bathroom was only for employees, at which point I looked at him like Michael J. Foxx in Teen Wolf with glowing eyes when he tries to buy a beer and I told him, "This is a life and death situation."
He let me use the bathroom and I threw him a five on the way out without even looking back at him.
New Orleans, otherwise known as "The Big Easy."

Sunday, July 29, 2007


So the Beast was a little low on funds all summer, to say the least.
It was literally "I'll buy you this, I'll buy you that." Fully knowing he'd get me back eventually.
Now he's my hero.
Beast bought a yellow hunk-a-junk Gitane from a crackhead on avenue B for thirty dollars and after constant bitching on my part about how he never uses it, he put it on Craigslist for 400 dollars.
When asked about the high pricing he said "I might as well start high."
A couple people bidded, then, one guy from the United Kingdom said he wanted to buy it for two grand! I distinctly remember telling him it was b.s.
Two weeks later a check came in the mail, for 3899.00. Now he's got more money than anybody on Team Funny that I know.

The check that made me bug out and spit green tea on ice all over the kitchen floor in disbelief.

The bike that's slowly paying me back for alll thosee nightss.

Beast didn't want me to get too close fearing I would Jinx the whole thing while he made a deposit.

Let it be known I originally photoshopped out the name and numbers on the check and Beast said "Fuck it, make it an urban legend."

it's 20 DB hot, true quamp.

It has been bought to my attention that an ice cold drink in a hot shower can save your life. Now my whole shower game got changed up. it's not about cleaning anymore, it's about relaxing.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


There are a couple of good reasons why I usually don't attend night clubs. I don't have anything against them, but look how chaotic this looks. The girl in the pink, the guy having the time of his life twirling that shirt in the air (Almost positive I spotted him in the "Whoop there it is" video back in the day.), and the guy with the umbrella?! And the beads let you know it was really New Orleans and people drink like it's a profession more than anywhere I've ever traveled.
Maybe I should start going out to clubs more, by myself, and just take pictures and see what I stumble upon? But not New York clubs, that would be the worst. Maybe a club essay in Virginia or Wisconsin?

a couple boring shots from New Orleans

A guy standing on a corner as I walked by.

The Tower of Babel. Since the garbage system isn't fully on track we had to drop off our garbage at Elysian Fields. It was actually pretty fun.

Sunday, July 22, 2007


No, posts, nothing. My internet has been down at the house and I've been too lazy to do anything about it. So I figured I'd wait 'til my roomate gets back from out of town. Probably just have to push a button to reset it or something. On a good note I've written two -three letters a day without the internet so it's been somewhat of a vacation. Sounds pathetic right?

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Of this batch I think I like all these photo's for my own reasons.
I like this lady on the bottom left because she's looking at me like, "So, do you wanna buy a fucking vowel or not?"

I like this photo because I can imagine it being a talk piece in some rich ass stock-brokers high rise apartment.

I like this because I aspire to one day have a haircut like this.

I like this because Slicks Caliente has struck again, look at that dirty grin of getting over on someone, somewhere.

In ten years you'll have to sign a waiver for this one.

I witnessed one of the craziest things on Saturday. the below statue was lifted and carried down the block.
The Feast and Bazaar of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and San Paolino di Nola is best known for the Dancing of the Giglio, a wooden steeple over 50 feet high.
The event commemorates the Feast of St. Paulinus, a Bishop in a small city of Nola in Southern Italy who exchanged himself for a child kidnapped by North African Raiders.
When some old guy at the festival described to me that "The Giglio" was the lifting of the huge steeple I couldn't even believe it. "That? They are going to life that?" Thinking they would just lift it and then put it down. And he replied, "Yeah, they are going to lift it and carry it down the street."
Hmmm, I'll have to stick around for a second and see this with my own eyes. All I kept thinking was one person trips and this whole thing is coming down on the whole street festival.

To make it harder on the hundred plus men carrying the statue, their was a band playing on the platform while carried down the street.



The Beast mugged a mugger on Bushwick Avenue around Midnight last Saturday night.
The whole thing began when Peter Dardy and Brian Dardy were almost about to throw a brotherly fistfight and the Beast and Lance went outside so they could settle their dispute. Some guy came up and asked for a cigarette and The Beast gave him one, then the guy put his whole pack into his pocket and Beast starts screaming at him when Brian Dardy calls him to invite him back up because the fight was over. Suddenly the cigarette thief grabs Beasts phone out of his hand and makes a sprint for it.
Bad move.
The Beast and Lance chased him strait off for three blocks the whole way screaming obscenities and probably looking like Starsky and Hutch, like, "You're not gonna get away from us mother______!"
Finally the guy stops all out of shape and breathless and the Beast dropkicked him in the chest ninjastyle three times even when the guy was trying to swing his ultra-ghetto homemade weapon. (Which Beast now has attained as a trophy.) Which is just a shoelace tied in a not with a piece of pipe like a little necklace.
But, the best part is Beast had a little knife with him, and screamed at the guy that he was a pin point knife tosser and if the guy made one more move he would throw it right through his heart!
When I asked him why he had a knife he just said, "What do you mean, I was in Bushwick.
And that's that.
When I told Beast he'd done been blogged about ag-a-i-n he said, "Ah, you left out the most important part, when in mid- chase the guy tried to call a time-out."

being home alone is soooo nice.

It's the summertime and that means if your in Bushwick your sure to find a garbage can full of ice cold beers, a grill with shish kebab's, a table filled with domino's, and a couple of dirty stare's all within a five side walk square radius.

Friday, July 6, 2007


On all accounts the best fourth of July of my life. So there you have it.
It rained almost the whole day, you can't tell because the guy who looks like his name is "Old El Paso" is facing the camera. But he took thee hardest spill flipping backward while chasing after a rogue volleyball in the rainy day tournament of the century played on a sloped field in the forest, the back of his jacket had a huge green grass stain. I kept thinking the whole night, "Man that guys gonna feel an achin' tomorrow for sure."

The cook thought she was all cool for taking off an entire pig, then Oscar came up before anyone and said "Ok, gimme the cheek and an ear." Therefore destroying the beauty before anyone else collected. Then he really drove her berserk when she went to cut him a slice of the lamb and he just grabbed a whole leg and ripped the damn thing off. Classssicc style points on the bite and runner-up for coolness in the background is the second-best volleyball player in the tournament. Mr. Justin.

Vegetarians of the world should have been there just so they could have a pukefest like "Stand By Me."

July 4th, part II

It's not everyday you get the chance to tag-a-long to a massive party in the sticks. I could write a book about this guys house. I'll only write five things. Valet Parking, outdoor concrete heated pool with gift bag upon arrival with OFF bug spray and towels, a mariachi band, horse-shoes, and an unlimited supply of food and drinks (not cheap liquor but super quality Old Speckled Hen Bottles!).
Carol tried to take a bite before the lamb was down but got shot down by the cook.

Chicken fights in the pool got so hectic I got a glimpse of a fourteen year old boob, then called a scumbag for seeing it.

This guy was mesmerizing on all levels just for the fact that he was from Tennessee and could recite the entire horse-shoe catalogue to a T.

The man that made the magic happen with his sweet-hearts.

I told Justin to smile for the camera but he was in complete shock over the whole lamb. Let me tell you something else, this wasn't store bought. "The man that made the magic happen" raised it and had a name for it and fed it better than seventy-five percent of the entire population on the planet.


Being in The Emerald with a couple locals in the wee hours of July 4th can turn into mayhem. I especially like the fact that everytime I see George there he has a fresh pound of Raspberry's he picked in his backyard and makes daiquiris every hour for anyone in the house.
Everyone was looking good in my grandpaw's old hat, I told 'em to wear it in the pic for good luck.

Monday, July 2, 2007


I bought the head photographer for the Daily News three shots of house whiskey and paid him five bucks, I also told him The Beast would destroy him if he didn't plug my bloggy/site on the cover of Sunday's issue.


A phone call to my roomates that went kind of like this, "Hey, so look, your not gonna believe this, and I don't exactly know where it came from, but I just found a ramp on the dead end corner by the cemetery."
The Beast amazed me with a little rocker on the jankiest dead end green crapper in northwestern Queens.

I pondered hiding it somewhere but where? It weighs a ton and someone's bound to take the wood for scraps, all I could do was leave a note mentioning how much it meant to the boys and girls of Queens.
The politician in the background never really realizes all the gang signs being thrown during the picture. I have to be the one telling the kids, "Look, honestly, this picture aint gonna run unless you put your hands down." They always comply in the most disappointed way.

My boss, "So look, I have a different kind of parade for you." And instantly I said, "Well, what is it, a gay parade?" He asked me how I knew but I could just tell by the way he said it. Anyways, here's the NY cheerleaders doing their thing on the sidelines.

If you sit on Nish's couch you'll get all intrigued and artsy over his fishes. That's literally the point where you have to mentally slap yourself in the face and say, "Let's get out of here."

I'm convinced this guy was the first owner of my third generation 1989 Marquis.

I'm working on a series of beach photo's. Thats a sneak peak my friend.