Saturday, February 27, 2010


Becoming slowly convinced you'll win the lottery, you up from 5 daily scratch-offs to 10.
Assuring yourself that millions are upon your very next ticket, you up from 10 tickets to 20 tickets every few days.
You begin switching around between different types of tickets. The 1$, 2$, 5$, 20$, and the state lottery tickets? Every store has a different one staring right at you and thats the winner!
Overhearing a construction worker in a deli on 1st avenue mention that the lower number tickets on the roll have better odds, you begin playing only the rolls that are below the 50 mark; it wasn't a mistake, you were meant to be in that store at that specific time to hear this little bit of information that the rest of the world is unaware of.
When the counter guy runs your winning 2$ ticket and that machine sounds the lottery song, it's ok to dance in the store like an NFL player in the endzone, it's just a prelude to the real damage thats about to occur with your very next purchase.
Even when you lost 18 bucks, (and you'd never spend that on a meal) it doesn't matter because you won 2$, which you quickly blew on another lottery ticket.
You become so convinced you will hit it big in the near future it's as if you've already won.

Friday, February 26, 2010


Monday, February 22, 2010


The other night I bumped into the most random people I knew in the most unexpected places. Every forty-five minutes it would happen again with someone else. Even as I sat on the subway thinking to myself, "How random is it? Of all the people, of all the places." And right when my thought process pondered the notion my subway car rolled into the station, slowed to a halt, and the doors opened to see yet another friendly face. (Going home to watch Boomerang no-less.)

Friday, February 19, 2010

THE MODEL CONQUEST (Everything is backwards)

Alex and I were walking down the street in Soho and spotted a bizarre gathering of girls wearing rumpelstiltskin scarecrow clothes, old scumbags with cameras, and a table full of free drinks. We stumbled in with our confident faces and I assured the girl at the front door I was on the list, "Yep, it should be right there."
"Well, I don't see it, I'm sorry."
Honesty is the best policy, it's 2010, cut the creeps.
"Yeah, I mean, I'm not really on the list."
She whispered into my ear, "Just go in... Go"
We grabbed a free drink and went into the next room, full of fashion week girls lined against a wall.
Every girl that should have been modeling was observing, a looming wonderment.
Every girl that was modeling should have been observing.
Ask yourselves, what is this new model look?
Where the hell is the I'm sexy and confident and I'll run you over or break your nose trying? The new look is the I'm a frumpy little girl that just picked myself up out of a puddle and had plain oatmeal.
To prove this I took the girl next to me and made her stand against the wall and took a photo of her. I could visualize the collective gasp of all attendees thinking in their head, "But she's not a model."
Then who is?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Let me just tell you how Bernardo answers his door.

Knock knock
"It's me."
"Who me?"
"It's me me."
He begins a lazy laugh, "...Fuck you want man?"

Monday, February 15, 2010



I had a couple in honor of Presidents day and woke up with a fifteen day travel confirmation to a tropical paradise sent to my email. Can't backout now.

Saturday, February 13, 2010


This guy jumped, twirled, and dipped with the best of 'em for two hours with this girl at the 50th anniversary Christmas party for the Guggenheim. At first I thought he was a young gay kid with a mustache and his best girl-friend, showing off his Patrick Swayze moves. But then...half way into the party... I became so mesmerized in watching their movements that I declared in my head, "That is the coolest motherfucker I have ever seen in my life." It really is a shame I didn't get a picture of his white slip-ons.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


It's only when someone is visiting from California that they think it's a great idea to go skate at 7 am in a t-shirt when it's snowing out.